Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
