But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
