The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
