I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
