dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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