I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
