update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
