I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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