new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
