how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
