I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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