I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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