I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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