Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize