I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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