Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
