i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
