i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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