They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize