Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
