Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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