My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize