the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
