Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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