I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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