my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
