i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
