yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
