wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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