how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
