My hand turned me down
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
