Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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