I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
