Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
