If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
