I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
