Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
