Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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