Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
