so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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