ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
