How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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