my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You ate ashes out of my bong
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
