All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
