I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
