I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
