Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
