did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
