he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize