I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
