the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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