I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
