u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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