i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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