go do what you do best...puke behind churches
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
