There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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