i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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