You really coming over, don't trick.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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