question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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