I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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