just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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