We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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