You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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