omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
