im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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