How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
