just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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