You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
