ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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