Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
