I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
