please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
