I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize